There are many things that create hurting, and secrets rank right up there.
“Don’t tell anyone.”
“Don’t talk about it.”
“No one wants to hear about your problems.”
We sometimes confuse keeping a confidence with keeping a secret. To me, there is a fine line there…a very fine line. I don’t like either one, really.
Keeping secrets keep us in shame. This has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with truth. [Unless it’s a surprise birthday party, what’s happening that we share?] Keeping secrets keeps things hidden. And if it’s hidden, we can pretend it didn’t happen or that it didn’t matter. Not good.
Hiding hurts; truth heals. It’s that simple.
And news flash, Lois Lane: Ignoring it, not talking about it DOESN’T MAKE IT GO AWAY.
As children we may not understand why we are told to keep quiet, but we can sense something is wrong. Sadly, the thing that we eventually identify as “wrong” is us. We become what’s wrong. That’s the definition of shame, folks.
So dysfunction in the home becomes both our normal AND our embarrassment.
How could THAT possibly create a problem?
Indeed. Enough with the secrets, already.
“If you want to keep a secret, you must first hide it from yourself.” ~George Orwell