Owning Laughter: Giggle On

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Comment by SG Michelle Medina on July 2, 2011 at 6:34am

A NORTHERNER MOVES TO ARIZONA

May 30th - Just moved to Arizona. Now this is a state that knows how to
live . beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings . mountains and
deserts blended together. What a place!! I watched the sunset, from a
park, lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home.
I love it here.

June 14th - Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem . I live
in an air-conditioned home and drive an air-conditioned car. What a
pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a real sun
worshipper.

June 30th - Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today, lots
of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me.
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th - The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do
people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's a dry heat. Getting
used to it is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th - Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of
my
body.) Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my
lesson
though: got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th - I missed Tabby (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left
this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had
swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over $2,000
worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now
smells like Kibbles and kitty bits. No more pets in this heat!

July 25th - Dry heat, my ass! Hot is hot!! The home air conditioner is
on the fritz and AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me
he needed to order parts.

July 30th - Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now.
$1,500 in damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I
ever come here?

Aug 4th - It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today.
It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to about 90. Stupid repairman
pissed in my pool. I hate this state.

Aug 8th - If another wise-ass cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm
going to tear his throat out. Cursed heat. By the time I get to work the
radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like
roasted Garfield!!

Aug 10th - The weather report might as well be a recording: Hot and
sunny. It's been too hot to live for two months and the weatherman says
it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren
desert? Water rationing has been in effect all summer, so $1,700 worth
of cactus just dried up and blew into the pool. Even a cactus can't live
in this heat.

Aug 14th - Welcome to Hell!!! Temperature got to 123 today. Forgot to
crack the window and blew the windshield out of the Lincoln. The
installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife
had to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail. Freaking Arizona .
What kind of sick demented idiot would want to live here?? Will write
later to let you know how the trial goes.

Aug 30th - Worst day of the summer. I'm not leaving the house. The
monsoon rains finally came and all they did is to make it muggier than
hell. The Lincoln is now floating somewhere in Mexico with its new $500
windshield. That does it, we're moving back to Massachusetts for some
peace and quiet.

Comment by SG Michelle Medina on June 7, 2011 at 1:04pm

Complaints of a Modern Day Vampire

Three Words: Daylight Savings Time
Can't enjoy a meal at Burger King without some redneck yelling, "Look Ma! It's Elvis!"
After 100 years of trying, still can't score with Elvira.
No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around.
No warm blood for miles around DC.
Baboon heart makes everything taste gamey.
Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards.

Comment by SG Michelle Medina on May 17, 2011 at 9:49pm

Yeah, my friend Holl and I were both like: "We don't want to know where that kid learned that." Other then that though, it was funny. That was always the case in my house, for real. If mom said no we ALWAYS went to Dad! Lol.

Comment by Naware Healer, Rev. & RMT on May 17, 2011 at 4:50pm

I'll have to say the dog & microwave thing is a bit horrifying since I know someone who put a kitten in a microwave...yea ew, but I otherwise I had some very amusing mental pictures...particularly about the paint and nose picking and then if mommy says no, ask daddy...

Comment by SG Michelle Medina on May 17, 2011 at 2:38pm

WISE ADVICE FROM KIDS
"Medicine only works if it's cherry flavored."
-- Elissa, 9

"Good food always comes with a toy."
-- Ryan, 6

"Just because your dog drinks from the toilet, doesn't mean you should."
-- Juaquim, 7

"Don't dry the dog in the microwave."
-- Brittany, 5

"If mommy says no, then you should ask daddy."
-- Daniel, 7

"You can't eat soup with a fork."
-- Mel, 4

"Don't pick your nose when you're finger-painting."
--Xiang, 8

"Never ask mom when she's going to go on a diet."
--Bob, 11

[From Andychaps]

Comment by SG Michelle Medina on March 22, 2011 at 2:49pm

Ummmm, that was supposed to be YIKES! Lol.

Comment by SG Michelle Medina on March 22, 2011 at 2:49pm

Yikkes Naware!!! I found  a quote speaking of laughter!

 

"You can't deny laughter. When it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants."-Stephen King

Comment by Naware Healer, Rev. & RMT on March 22, 2011 at 12:42pm

laughter definite needed today!  entering my third trimester and not looking forward to a return of tiredness, or the onset of much physical discomfort caused by changes in weight distribution (eg tailbone and lower portion of ribs :( )

Comment by SG Michelle Medina on March 22, 2011 at 9:17am

Girls Night Out! Lol!

A group of 40 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.
10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was very good and the wine selection was good also.
10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.
10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and they even had an elevator.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.

 

Comment by SG Michelle Medina on March 22, 2011 at 9:11am

A local law enforcement officer stopped a car for traveling
faster than the posted speed limit. Since he was in a good
mood that day he decided to give the poor fellow a break and
write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the
man his name." Fred" he replies. "Fred what?" the officer
asks. "Just Fred" the man responds. When the officer presses
him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have
a last name but lost it. The officer thinks he has a nutcase
on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me Fred, how did
you lose your last name?"

The man replies... "It's a long story so stay with me. I was
born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used
to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied
hard and got good grades.

When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I
went through college, medical school, internship, residency,
finally got my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD. After a
while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to
school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through
school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling MD DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with
my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling MD
DDS with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my
DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD. Then the AMA found
out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so
they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.
Then the VD took away my dingaling so now I'm just Fred."

The officer let him go without even a warning.

 

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